Jason's Blog

“Forgiveness is more than a moral imperative, more than a theological dictum. It is the only means, given our humanness and imperfections, to overcome hate and condemnation and proceed with the business of growing and loving.”

– Ρ W Coleman, quoted by Hill and Mullen “Contexts for Understanding Forgiveness and Repentance as Discovery” Journal of Pastoral Care 2000): 296.

What Forgiveness is NOT

1. Forgiveness can never go along with violence and aggression toward another human being (Romans 12:17-19).

2. Forgiveness is not an offer of pardon. As human beings, we lack the authority and the power to undue the debt of sin. Jesus is the only one who can atone for sins. (See notes from Forgiveness Part 2 dated 7-11-08).

3. There is a huge difference between toleration and forgiveness. “We tolerate what another has done when we overlook or ignore. We forgive what we cannot tolerate, will not overlook or ignore” (David Augsburger, Helping People Forgive): 165.

Appreciating the Forgiveness Continuum

Forgiveness can be unilateral—where one party takes the freeing step or mutual—when both parties step toward each other. “Authentic reconciliation requires movement by both sides, the offender and the offended. Both contribute, both grow, both reopen the future” (David Augsburger, Helping People Forgive): 166.

UNILATERAL FORGIVENESS MUTUAL FORGIVENESS

1. Respect, Regard- To see the other as full of worth

2. Repentance, Reconstruction — To see the offense clearly, feel the offense fully <A Middle Ground– could be unilateral but more fully possible with mutual consent>

3. Reconciliation, Relationship — To reach out in acceptance, To reopen the future again, in spite of the wrongdoing.<Requires Both Parties>

A Flow Chart for Forgiveness

How should we react if a person comes to us with an appeal for forgiveness?

IN THE PRESENTATION OF AN APPEAL FOR FORGIVENESS IS THE PERSON AND THE REQUEST:  PLEADING

– 1. NON-RESPONSIBLE?

– 2. RESPONSIBLE?SEEKING

– 3. RELEASE?

– 4. READMISSION?REQUESTING

– 5. RETURN TO MORAL COMMUNITY?

– 6. RENEWAL OF RELATIONSHIP?INTENDING

– 7. TO RESTORE/RESUME THE RELATIONSHIP?

– 8. TO RECREATE/RENEGOTIATE RELATIONSHIP?

Going Deeper With Forgiveness

1. Forgiveness and repentance is a process of discovery.

Have you been forgiven and why? If you have been forgiven then why are you withholding forgiveness from someone else? Thomas Merton stated, “We do not really know how to forgive until we know what it is like to be forgiven” (Quoted by Hill and Mullen “Contexts for Understanding Forgiveness and Repentance as Discovery” Journal of Pastoral Care 2000): 291.

2. We probably won’t learn to forgive through moral exertion or willpower.

3. There is a dynamic relationship between forgiveness and mercy. Our capacity to extend forgiveness often depends on our childhood experiences. “Forgiveness is the extension of empathy to become mercy” (David Augsburger, Helping People Forgive): 167.

4. Forgiveness allows us to imitate God and outwit Satan (Ephesians 4:3-5:1 and 2 Corinthians 2:10-11). I am grateful for this pairing noticed by Dorothy Jean Weaver in “On Imitating God and Outwitting Satan: Biblical Perspectives On Forgiveness and the Community of faith” Mennonite Quarterly Review 68 (1994):168-169.

Forgiveness is a launching point for spiritual growth and enables us to live as Jesus lived. If we live long in this world, we will face the opportunity to grow because others will wrong us. Beyond simple personal slight or annoying habits, we will deal with people in our family, or work, or school settings who simply injure us. How will we treat people?  I would suggest that before we answer this question we should take a closer look in the Bible at 3 key stories: 1) Joseph and his brothers, 2) Jesus on the cross, and 3) Steven and his persecutors.

1. ) Joseph’s life was altered dramatically by the choices of his brothers. They hated him, sold him into slavery, and lied about his death. However, Joseph never flinched. He loved his brothers and father so much that he finally made himself known to them. In a dramatic scene, he credited God with using these terrible events for good and threw his arms around them (Genesis 45:4-15). Later after his father died, the brothers were afraid that Joseph might hold a grudge and they sent word through an intermediary:  “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of your servants of the God of your father.” (Genesis 50:16-17). This confession—if you can really call it that—brought tears to Joseph’s eyes. He responded, “Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done” (Genesis 50:19-20).

2.) As he hung on the cross, Jesus spoke to the Father on behalf of the soldiers and crowd gathered around him, “Father, forgive them they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). These are interesting words because earlier in his ministry Jesus had seen the faith of the friends of a paralytic and proclaimed, “Friend, your sins are forgiven” (Luke 5:20). The religious leaders had thought his words were blasphemy at the time. But from the cross, Jesus does not say, “You who crucify me are forgiven.” Instead, he speaks to the Father in their behalf.

What does this example mean for us? I think it speaks to the heart of Jesus and how he looked on those who were torturing him. Jesus wanted his death to atone for their sins as well. He clarified by praying to the Father that his death would be not simply for his friends but for his enemies as well. His desire was to offer forgiveness to everyone as he had offered love freely in his ministry.3.) In like manner, Steven as he was being stoned prayed to the Lord, “do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60). The parallelism between Steven’s words and Jesus is not to be missed. Though killed unjustly by an angry mob, Steven acted like his Master. He did not hold this crime against them. These prayers spoken under duress reveal the heart of discipleship and call us to love those who might insult, injure, or falsely say all kinds of evil against us (Matthew 5:11).

The Relationship Between Forgiveness, Repentance, and Pardon

Are we to forgive those who wrong us even if they are unrepentant? Can’t we withhold forgiveness from some? It is difficult to justify this attitude in light of Joseph, Jesus, and Steven. The only words of Jesus that might justify such an attitude are found in Luke 17:4 where our Savior explains, “if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him.”

This passage appears to set a precedent that repentance proceeds forgiveness. Certainly, repentance is important to God. Early Christian preaching regularly echoed the message of Jesus and John the Baptist: “Repent for the kingdom is at hand” (Mark 1:15; Luke 3:8; Luke 13:3). At Pentecost, Peter exhorted the crowd to turn toward God and be immersed and later speaking to a crowd in the temple area he announced: “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 2:38; 3:17). Late in life, the apostle Paul explained that repentance is a gift from God that accompanies gentle instruction. Its purpose is to lead a person to knowledge of the truth (2 Timothy 2:25). However, forgiveness runs out in front of every act of repentance. Jesus is our source of forgiveness and peace and his sacrifice is offered freely to everyone. However, not everyone will accept this gift of mercy that was given while we were still enemies of God (Romans 5:10). Those who do not accept forgiveness will not receive pardon. To put it another way, they cannot receive blessings of forgiveness without repentance– without a change of heart.

The same is true with those who wrong us. Relationships cannot be restored without repentance, faithfulness, and a true desire to mend what is broken. If a marriage is falling apart because of infidelity, nothing can change until both spouses agree to take on the hard work of rebuilding trust and unity. However, a spouse can do as Jesus did even in the face of brazen sin. They can pray, “Father forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.” In this way, we can extend forgiveness even while a person goes about their life of sin. A person can be outside the pardon of God, disobedient, unkind, vengeful and evil and yet forgiveness extended in the cross remains available to them. Since Christ has offered them forgiveness should we not as well? Once again, without repentance there can be no restoration, but forgiveness does not hinge on repentance. The writer of Hebrews clarifies this as he explains, “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness” (Hebrews 9:22). Note he does not say, without the shedding of blood there is no repentance. It is not that each sinner needs to climb up on an altar and cut themselves in some act of repentance. Jesus sacrifice is for all and complete. Forgiveness is available through the covenant of Christ and there is no longer sacrifice for sin—only pardon to those who would receive its benefits.

So let’s return to Jesus’ words in Luke 17. How are we to understand, “if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him?”1) This passage explains how family (and Church family) should operate. Personal slight and offense should be talked about and if a person seeks repentance, we should restore the relationship. There is no place for withholding grace from each other even if a brother should sin seven times in a day. Jesus says, if they come to you and ask for forgiveness, extend it. They are your brother. Love them.2.) Jesus is not saying offer forgiveness only if they repent. The converse of this “if/then” statement by Jesus is a distortion of his teaching. Jesus does not say, “if he does not repent, withhold your forgiveness.” Many “if/then” statements in scripture would be completely misinterpreted by this kind of reading. Take the following three examples:If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed (Galatians 3:29).Turn the phrase around: Are all Abraham’s seed, of Christ? Are there not Jews who stand apart from Jesus? Of course there are! The converse of this “if/then” statement is untrue.

If you live according to the sinful nature, you will die. But if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live (Romans 8:13).What is the converse here? You will not live if you do not put to death the misdeeds of the body? This is too perfectionist for me. Where’s the grace that would allow us to have some misdeeds? And doesn’t scripture testify to the fact that every person will be a sinner (1 John 1:8)“If you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers (James 2:9).Turned around, “if you are a lawbreaker, you show favoritism” this idea is completely untrue. We all recognize that favoritism is a sin but not all sin is involves prejudice.

Jesus words are true. A person who repents should receive forgiveness from us. These are relationships that we are seeking to restore with people we love. However there is more to the doctrine of forgiveness. We must offer it much as Jesus has done—without strings attached.  “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 4:32-5:2).What a high calling we have been given—to live and love as Jesus did. 

Last Sunday Night (7-6-08) I taught a lesson about the foundations of forgiveness. Here are some additional follow-up ideas.

1. We are called to forgive– even if the person who has offended does not ask for help.  See the examples of Joseph who forgave his brothers when they didn’t know his identity, Jesus at the cross with the soldiers, and the 1st Christian martyr Steven who prayed as Jesus did when he died.
2. If we have forgiven, we can (if it is appropriate) work toward reconciliation or restoration of the relationship.
3. Reconciliation can not happen unless both parties want to see change.
4. Ideally, another person will accept our forgiveness and our desire to reconcile a relationship.  Unfortunately, many people reject our overtures of forgiveness.  This can happen because they are unwilling or unable to accept our forgiveness.
5. However, our willingness to forgive should be way out in front of any apology or call to repentance.  We forgive before any act of contrition.
6. Sometimes though we love a person and forgive them, we have to keep our distance from them because they aren’t safe to be around.  Having a forgiving spirit is not a license to let others treat us like a doormat (or worse).
7. Christians extend their arms wide as Jesus did and leave open the possibility of exclusion (or embrace if it is appropriate) from the other person.